Why is it that guys lose their minds when they come into my strip club? Perhaps the world has turn into a bunch of boner-ridden jackasses, but I don’t think so. Out on the street, guys are courteous and sometimes even sexy. But when those same guys step into a strip club, they lose their confidence, don’t know how to act and starting tripping over themselves. Relax guys, they’re just titties.
And girls! You might be worse! I swear to god, if I am asked to fulfill another girlfriend’s threesome fantasy, I am going to throw my over-sized heel at her like a boomerang. So, sit back and I will tell the both of you how to behave when you come to see me naked.
Put Your Friggin’ Phone Down
This one goes for the both of you. We are LIVE entertainment, not porn stars. If I so much as think you are taking pictures of my titties, I will nod at the bouncer. And you don’t want me to nod at the bouncer.
Guys, Ask The Price Before A Private Dance
We had a problem a while back with men refusing to pay for a lap dance. They enjoyed an entire song with a naked lady crawling all over them and then shrieked like a girl when they heard the price. What, you don’t think I am worth it? It is not rude to ask “How Much” before entering the Champagne Room.
A Simple “No Thanks” Will Suffice
If the sticker shock of a private strip dance gets to you, simply say “No thanks”. That’s proper strip club etiquette. We don’t need to hear your sorry excuses, like “I’m waiting for my girlfriend,” or, “I’m married.” Trust me, we’ve heard it all and you won’t hurt our feelings so long as you’re nice when you say, “No.” It’s that easy.
Are You Allowed To Touch Strippers?
I hear this question a lot. Certain strip club rules allow for a little bit of touching, but you don’t even need to go that far. The stripper will give you clear body language, inviting you to touch her here or there. But your best bet is to lay back and let her touch you. That goes for you too, ladies. Just because you rock a vagina doesn’t mean I won’t nod at the bouncer.
I’ll Show You Where To Put The Money
Let’s talk about how to tip strippers. One and two dollar coins are appreciated, don’t get me wrong. After all, it’s your wallet I am after. But tipping strippers with crisp bills is way better. Why? Cause I may invite you to put the money in my garter belt, my bra or my underwear. You can’t really slip a coin in there like a gentleman, could you?
Ladies, Calm Down
I did not get into the stripping business to steal your man. I see scores of them every day. I wouldn’t even be able to keep up. I am after the money in his wallet, or your purse for that matter. Just look at me like a catalyst — a boner-starter for rock hard fun later that evening. Don’t be flashing me that dirty look, it’s just entertainment.
It Is Better To Ask Up Front, Instead Of Apologize Later
If you are ever in doubt about strip club behavior — whether or not to touch, where to sit, etc — always ask first. I don’t assume you’ve ever been to a strip club before so I don’t assume you’ll know all the rules beforehand. And it will work out much better if you ask permission for anything you want to do before you do it instead of apologizing out of breath as the bouncer throws you out.
Dress Like You Are Going To The Club
If you are ever confused about what to wear to a gentlemen club, just ask yourself what you would wear to go to your favorite club. That works. It looks nice.
Ladies, Get Down From There
Leave the dancing to us. If you try to get up on your table to dance, the guys will pay you attention and that puts a dent in my wallet. You know what happens then? I nod at the bouncer. Or maybe I throw that over-sized heel boomerang.